51 Boat Quotes, Puns & Funny Jokes

Laughing at pontoon quotes on pontoon boat



Wife to husband, “when are you getting that good deal on the pontoon boat?”….. Husband, “when there’s a sail on it”.

Where do you bring sick and poorly boats? ….. To the doc(k) of course.

Why does the new colonial British navy have glass bottomed boats off the coast of the USA? ….. It’s so they can see the old colonial British navy!

What type of vegetable is banned on a boat even for vegetarians? ….. Leeks, of course.

What did the pontoon captain sing when he got stuck while trying to navigate through a narrow channel? ….. Dire straits!

Man to friend, “My wife just sailed off to the Caribbean with my new boat and all my money.” ….. Friend to man, “Jamaica?” ….. Man replies, “No, she went on her own accord.”

I just bought a very expensive setting pole. I know it cost a lot but I thought I would push the boat out.

Why does the Swedish navy have barcodes on the side of their pontoon boats? ….. So that when they come back into dock they can Scan-din-avian!

I saw a man trying to row a pontoon boat ….. It was a truly oar inspiring moment.

My really annoying friend was trying to convince me that I could row a pontoon boat ….. He was constantly sticking his oar in.

How much does it cost for a boat pirate to pierce his ears? ….. A buck-an-ear.

How do you make your boat feel better? ….. Give it some vitamin sea.

What did Captain Jack Sparrow change his name to when he ditched the Black Pearl for a pontoon boat? ….. Johnny “Shallow” Depth.

What did the boat captain say to the first mate when no-one laughed at his joke? ….. “Well, that went over like a lead pontoon”.

What’s the difference between a boat docking line and a divorce lawyer? ….. One of them should be whipped at both ends while the other is used to keep your boat tied to the dock.

What do you call the fastest pontoon boat in the world? ….. Usain Boat.

Why did the pontoon boat captain decide against wearing his new hat? ….. He was worried about cap-sizing!

What do you call a party pontoon boat full of boozing buddies? ….. A friend-ship.

Why are pirates really cool? ….. It’s just because they arrrgggghhh you see!

How do you give your aging boat a new lease of life? ….. Boat-Tox.

A boat owner was eating alphabet soup and was shocked to find the seven Cs.

I put saltwater anodes on my pontoon boat. ….. I use it for saline.

What wears a uniform and floats in the water beside a boat? ….. A buoy Scout!

“I like the rear of my boat”, Captain Joe said sternly.

There were 3 men on a boat; an Englishman, an Irishman and American. “The American said to the Englishman, “We have 4 cigars but there’s nothing to light them with”. The Irishman quickly said helpfully, “if you throw a cigar overboard then the whole boat will become a cigar lighter … Problem solved!”

Old pontoon boat captains never die, they just get a little dinghy.

Well, personally I’ve never been one for buoyancy, but whatever floats your boat buddy.

What did the sailor say to the pontoon boat owner? ….. “You’ll swap that floating platform for a sailboat, schooner or later!”

What did the male pontoon boat owner send the female pontoon boat owner on tinder? …..”Deck pics.”

Why do pontoon boats need toilets? ….. For all the bow movements.

When asked how things were going, while he was cleaning some especially hardened barnacles off a boat, the sailor said, “I’m having a hull of a time”.

Pontoons boats are the best – that’s the hull truth and nothing but the truth your honor.

What did the boat passenger say to the bosun who had to jump in the water to free the outboard motor of seaweed? ….. “Rudder you than me buddy”.

What did the passenger say to the pontoon boat driver when he beached the pontoon and lowered the gangway? ….. “Plank you very much”.

What did the lake boat pontoon owner say to the guy who wanted to take a pontoon boat into rough ocean waters? ….. “Sea ya later dude!”

What did the pontoon boat captain say to the deckhand when he secured the boat to the dock? ….. “Knot too shabby.”

What did the riverboat owner say to the pontoon boat owner who took his vessel into ocean saltwater? ….. “I sea what you did there and you are craz-sea!”

What did the ocean pontoon boat owner reply to the riverboat owner who criticized him for saltwater boating? ….. “The fishing is great. You should try it cuz I’m in ecsta-sea.”

“If you don’t slow down you are going to beach this pontoon boat!”, the passenger exclaimed excitedly to the captain as he raced the boat toward toward the sand. ….. “It’s a shore thing”, the captain replied.

“Can you tie that shore line to the dock?”, the pontoon captain asked the deckhand. ….. “I’m not shore how to”, relied the deckhand.

What did the pontoon captain shout out to the ladies wanting to get abroad? ….. “Who’s shore daddy?”

What did the impatient fisherman say to the pontoon captain as they approached the fishing grounds? ….. “I don’t want to bait any longer.”

What condition were the pontoon boat passengers in when the boat driver took them into deep, rough ocean water? …. Seriously wave danger!

What did the new pontoon boat owner feel when he was trying to dock his vessel for the first time while being watched by experienced boaters? …. Serious pier pressure.

What did the concerned passenger say to the pontoon boat captain when he took them into the sea? ….. “Are you craz-sea? Water we doing here?”

What do you need to do to get a pontoon boat on a trailer by yourself? ….. Water it takes.

“I’m not sure if it’s safe to take my boat into the ocean”, said a pontoon boat owner to his friend. “What should I do?” he asked ….. “Seas the day”, his friend replied.



“We can’t cross that bridge until we come to it, but I always like to lay down a pontoon ahead of time.” – Quote: Bernard Baruch

“When you think about it, finding the perfect partner is a bit like a game of pontoon. I mean, you get your cards and you make your decision, do you stick or twist? Do you play safe and settle for 19 or do you go all out for 21 even if you might end up bust?” – Quote: Mike Gayle

“… history is a pontoon bridge. Every man walks and works at its building end, and has come as far as he has over the pontoons laid by others he may never have heard of. – Quote: Wallace Stegner

“I love getting the pontoon boat out, and I don’t get to do it as much anymore. If I know in two weeks or a month from now I’ve got three days off, I can start planning for that stuff, getting out there with friends and family and relaxing, just floating around and hanging out.” – Quote: Blake Shelton

I hope you enjoyed those funnies. If you own a pontoon boat or plan to borrow, rent or just visit a pontoon boat (or have a pontoon boat party) then be sure to check out these amazing pontoon boat accessories.

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